This isn’t a plan to fix anyone. It’s the infrastructure the family can pool, laid out so it’s sustainable and spread out — nobody carrying it alone. Each person picks what helps. Where there’s a blank line, that’s a spot to sign up for.
Our lane vs theirs: connection, honesty, and presence are ours. The medical taper, the legal weight, and recovery itself stay with the counselor, doctor, and peer support. If talk of not wanting to be here surfaces, that’s a moment for a professional or a crisis line.
If he rejects it all: “I’m cutting you off” is the avoidant move, not a verdict on the plan. Aislinn keeps her structure, the rotation keeps reaching out, and the family shifts to Rung 1. The door stays open; consistency over months loosens the grip, not force.
The 80/20 of this meeting: names and timing on the regular check-ins, and the resources lined up. Everything else can follow after.
When you love someone in crisis, the fear of losing them can quietly pull you to give past your own limits and call it loyalty. These supports exist so she can show up from steady ground instead of fear — and so that steadiness isn’t something she has to find alone. Her support stays the same no matter what rung he’s on.
His pattern leans avoidant: when closeness or shame builds, he tends to pull away first — leaving before he can be left, going cold before anyone gets the chance to reject him. The withdrawal isn’t a verdict on the people around him; it’s him bracing for an abandonment he half-expects, so he gets there first to soften the blow. That’s why the support slides with where he is while the steadiness stays constant — same warmth throughout, only the format and the time change. Reaching toward him when he retreats answers the fear instead of confirming it. Sober-time is always an optional boundary the visitor sets for their own time — a preference, never policing — and never applied at isolation, where showing up matters most.
This part doesn’t change with the rung. He sees himself as honest, logical, and direct, and can land as sharp or harsh — but underneath, what he wants most is to feel heard and understood. Lead with that and the rest opens up.
The plan collapses if a supporter burns out or becomes a secret-keeper. Each person needs their own footing — especially whoever ends up carrying the most.